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Which movie would end quickest if all the characters acted logically?


MarkN
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Army Intelligence Man: What’s this Ark look like?
Indiana Jones: Look like? Why, it’s right here...
Indy pulls a big format book from the stack on his lectern and flips through the pages...
Indiana Jones: Oh no wait, this is a Koran. No pictures.
Army Intelligence Man: I just don't understand Hitler's interest in these hokey religious relics. Gentlemen, thank you for your time and good day.

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4 hours ago, Fry Crayola said:

 

Keanu wasn't driving the bus, dude. He did try to catch the bus and inform the driver on time, but he was too late. And even if he succeeded, Dennis Hopper was still a wanted man.

 

No, I don't think you've watched the film at all!

 

I re-watched it a few days ago on Prime! :blush:  In my version Keanu gets to the bus on time because there's a traffic jam. And then afterwards he gets a call to say that Hopper's been apprehended. All while the credits are rolling. Maybe.

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2 hours ago, Steve McQueef said:

"I'm sorry, you're not on the guest list, Mr McClane. No one gets upstairs without an invite."

 

"Fine... is there a motel around here?"


But…but…he was invited. They sent a limo driver and everything.

 

Meanwhile,

 

“Whooo !  Let’s go to Crystal Lake for the weekend !”

 

”No fucking chance mate - loads of kids got murdered there last year and they never caught the killer.”

 

”Oh, ok. Littlehampton then ?”

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While out hunting, Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) finds the grisly aftermath of a drug deal. Though he knows better, he cannot resist the cash left behind and takes it with him.

He then doesn't have a crisis of conscience about the dying man he left there, and never returns to the scene. Because if he went back, my wife would be moaning about it for ages, so he didn't.

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On 23/06/2022 at 17:30, Waggo said:

Jaws:  I wanna go swimming.  No because we are pissed and high, let’s just have sex on the beach instead.

 

Not going to work, the moment they have sex it'll become a slasher film.. probably involving a walking shark now

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“Don’t move! It can’t see us if we don’t move” 

 

“Sir, I don’t know where you heard that, but I can absolutely see you. I can also smell you, and hear you. I’m one of the worlds largest predators and you’re two feet in front of me” 

 

 

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"Bleep! That T800 must have fucked it up. Shall we send this advanced T1000 model back to a time to when John Connor is, say, an adolescent?"

 

"Bleep bloop! Don't be daft, we'll send it back to the same time we sent the old T800 to, they'll have no bloody chance against two of them!"

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Robocop

 

Now, where is that backup?


Backup is still unavailable.


Oh, man!


We estimate 10 minutes before units can arrive.


Well, you call it.


I say we wait for backup, there’s like five of them, two of us, it’s a big mill.

 

good idea!

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John Cusack goes for a job interview, but upon discovering that working there means forcing the lift door open halfway between floors, and walking in a stooped posture that would cause him countless back problems, he declines the job and never visits the building again.

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"Hey, shall we hire one of many available and willing highly trained mercenaries to carry out this political assassination, or shall we try to blackmail this John Matrix guy into doing it with a huge risk that he'll fucking kill us all?"

 

"Just hire someone, why go to the trouble of blackmailing the most dangerous guy in the world who clearly doesn't want to do it"

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"Five grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning! Come on Elwood"

"Thank you Jake. While the dubious provenance of the money will cause me personal moral qualms, the higher purpose of maintaining a stable environment for the orphans in my care must take precedence."

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"Martha, that was a fun movie. It's already late and dark out, shall we take a stroll through that ominous shady alley that's literally called Crime Alley wearing our expensive outfits and looking filthy rich?"

 

"No just have Alfred bring the car round and pick us up in front of the theatre. Little Brucie is very tired and I just want to go home"

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The T1000 arrives in Los Angeles in the early hours, looks up John Connors address on the police computer and then actually drives to his house and kills him, I'm guessing he went for Breakfast in the film?

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Every sitcom ever.

 

I watched the IT Crowd final episode yesterday.  Jen accidentally puts change in the homeless persons coffee.  Why doesn't she just go and get a new coffee and apologise.  This seems true of most sitcoms, no-one apologises or explains the mix up, everyone just over reacts and makes it all worse.  

 

 

Fawlty Towers.  I'm sorry, the chef has gone home and we don't have the ingredients for a Waldorf salad, allow me to give you your money back. If you like, I can go to the local restaurant and bring food from there, like in the other episode where the car breaks down.

 

Friends: 

I'm sorry Rachel's mum, this is awkward, but your ex husband has arrived as well and he's in the next room.  What would you like to do? 2 parties would be comical and impractical.

 

Frasier:

Could everyone in this ski chalet, please meet in the main room, and we can all discuss who, if anyone, what's to cop off with who.  

 

Only Fools and Horses.

Now listen, Del, you have ruined every relationship I've ever had so I'm not telling you where I'm going this weekend and you dare try and follow me.

 

You get the idea.

 

 

 

 

 

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On 23/06/2022 at 18:01, Doctor Shark said:


“Murphy, we shouldn’t go in there, we need backup”

 

”You’re absolutely right, let’s wait for the cavalry and go in by force”. 

 

13 hours ago, SeanR said:

Robocop

 

Now, where is that backup?


Backup is still unavailable.


Oh, man!


We estimate 10 minutes before units can arrive.


Well, you call it.


I say we wait for backup, there’s like five of them, two of us, it’s a big mill.

 

good idea!


🤔

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These Robocop ones don’t work, it would’ve just been some other poor cop murdered by rampant criminal gangs. 
 

On the other hand:

 

ED-209 technician: the prototype is ready for demonstration to the board!

 

ED-209 lead technician: you did remember to remove all the live ammo right?

 

ED-209 technician: Ah shit, good call. 

 

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"After looking into it and doing experiments, it turns out we can't extract useable DNA from amber"

 

"Okay, I'll make some documentaries with my brother instead"

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16 minutes ago, JohnC said:

"I'm taking you to that penal colony instead of Ceti Alpha V"

 

The Wrath of Khan never gets off the ground.


“How many planets are in the Ceti Alpha system again? I know Khan was on one of these.”

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